Stages of Moral Development - Part 5 (and final!)

This final stage of moral development is one that we hope human beings reach by young adulthood.   Those who are treated abusively or with deep disrespect, those who suffer deprivation of basic human needs, those who can never develop a grounded sense of security may never be able to go beyond stage 2 or 3 (see previous entries for the previous stages).

In Stage 4, teen-agers were able to develop an appreciation of the ways that systems  maintain values and social networks, and felt a need to do their part to uphold and respect the system.  As adults move into Stage 5, they realize that even a system can be flawed, and that there is an individual obligation of conscience to act in accordance with the principle of respect for all human beings.  Systems worth supporting are systems that also protect human rights.  There is a personal acceptance of one's own responsibility to show the greatest possible respect for the rights and dignity of individuals.  There is an understanding that there is something even more basic than law, and on which laws are based.

Stage 5 allows for questioning.   A person fully in stage 5 is able to take a long view of circumstances and ask questions like "Could something here be better?  Is justice being done?  Am I respecting the rights of others?" 

Some social scientists believe that only a small percentage of adults fully live in Stage 5.  Would you remove your child from a team where the coach was mistreating some of the children, or think it was more important to stick with the team?  How do you talk yourself through a dilemma in which your own well-being or desire is in conflict with another person's?  Do you find teachable moments to share your views with older children and teens about justice issues? 

One of the reasons I wanted to spend some blog time on this topic was to put how young children understand right and wrong in perspective.  I always think that it helps our parenting if we know what children are and aren't capable of at each developmental stage.  When we ask more of them than they can do, they disappoint themselves and us.  For example, a high school youth, who lies about where she went, does understand that there is a system of values, and that she has failed in her responsibility to that system.  But a 6 year old who lies is working on his goal, which is to stay out of trouble.  The focus of parenting for the early stages needs to be on observable behaviors and following through, as well as respecting and acknowledging feelings and giving affection and love.

There is nothing that will help a child find the way to Stage 5 as well as parents who model it.  As children reach middle and high school age, you can share your own thinking with them about how you make moral choices.  You can set clear structures and have predictable, steady consequences all through their growing years, coupled with increasing independence as they demonstrate their ability to handle it.  And you can always acknowledge their feelings, and appreciate the times that they are able to separate feelings from action.  For example, you might say "You were so mad at your sister you wanted to hit her, but I saw you stop yourself and hit the blocks instead."

I would be very interested in any feedback you have about this series on moral development; please leave a comment, with examples from your own family or your thoughts.